We are gathered here tonight to hear the news,
about the story of the freeing of the Jews.
It’s a very long story, so I hope you’ve had a nap.
We call this prayer, the Passover Rap.

 It began in Egypt many years B.C.
The Jews were slaves and they wanted to be free.
The King of Egypt was a nasty dude.
They called him “The Pharaoh” - - he was big, bad, and rude.

The Pharaoh took the Jews and all of their kids,
He said, “Guess who’s building the pyramids!”
But the Jews were peaceful and always did what’s right.
They didn’t have the chutzpah to stand up and fight.

They needed a leader, one that God would choose.
A dynamic dude who could free the Jews.
Moses was his name, as the story is told.
He was humble shepherd, nearly 80 years old.

 CHORUS (To be chanted out loud by group while drinking wine)
We are gathered here tonight to celebrate,
the Jewish people and their fate.
So raise your glasses and don’t be tardy,
‘cause Moses says, “It’s time to Party!”

 God knew that Moses would need a push,
so he spoke to Moses through a burning bush.
He said - “a - Moses - the desert - you will roam,
and you’ll rescue the Jews and bring ‘em on home.”

Moses thought he must be delirious,
and so he said to God, “You can’t be serious.
I can’t do this job, I’m old and sick.”
So God gave Moses a magical stick.

Moses took his staff to the palace gate.
He said, “Let me in Pharaoh, let’s negotiate.”
Moses said to Pharaoh, “Let my people go.”
And the Pharaoh replied, “The answer is no.”

So Moses told the Pharaoh, “If you don’t comply,
I’ll give you 10 plagues until your people die.”

 CHORUS (To be chanted out loud by group while drinking wine)
We are gathered here tonight to celebrate,
the Jewish people and their fate.
So raise your glasses and don’t be tardy,
‘cause Moses says, “It’s time to Party!”

Pharaoh said to Moses, “What you say?
Go ahead Moses, make my day!”
So Moses raised his voice and sharply said,
“All your water will turn bloody red.”

The Egyptians were angry and all in a daze.
They drank bloody Marys for 40 days.
Moses said to Pharaoh, “Let my people go.”
Pharaoh said to Moses, “The answer is no!”  

Pharaoh thought that all the plagues were through
until Moses came up with plague Number Two.
Thousands of frogs were raining from the sky,
But the big bad Pharaoh just would not comply.

CHORUS (To be chanted out loud by group while drinking wine)
We are gathered here tonight to celebrate,
the Jewish people and their fate.
So raise your glasses and don’t be tardy,
‘cause Moses says, “It’s time to Party!”

Moses said to Pharaoh, “If you think this is fine,
then I hope you’re prepared for plagues 3 through 9.”
Lice were infested on everyone’s head.
Livestock and cattle were suddenly dead.

A cloud of dust descended upon the streets.
Egypt was infested with wild beasts.
Locusts were next, they ate all the crops.
Hail then descended in Matzo-ball drops.

Darkness came about for three full days.
But the big bad Pharaoh just wouldn’t change his ways.
Moses could feel negotiations grow hard,
and he knew it was time to play his last trump card.

“Here’s my final offer, it’s the very last one.
You free them Jews or God kills your first son.”
Pharaoh knew that the end was near,
and said, “Moses, take your Jews and get outta’ here.”

CHORUS (To be chanted out loud by group while drinking wine)
We are gathered here tonight to celebrate,
the Jewish people and their fate.
So raise your glasses and don’t be tardy,
‘cause Moses says, “It’s time to Party!”

Pharaoh said, “You made your point, and I don’t want any friction,”
but when you leave, make sure you walk like an Egyptian.”
But only one day after the Jews did depart,
The big bad Pharaoh had a change of heart.

“Round up the Chariots, put on your packs.
We’re going to chase those Jews and kill them in their tracks.”
Meanwhile the Jews were partying by the sea,
when they saw Egyptians coming, tough as they could be.

“What will we do Moses?  Help us!”  they cried.
And Moses replied, “Kiss your donkeys good-bye!”
The Egyptians moved closer and the Chariots started,
and Moses raised his staff and the Red Sea parted.

The Jews ran through the sea and hit the other shore,
But Egyptians were close with hands on sword.
Then Egyptians followed - - every soldier, son, and daughter.
And Moses yelled back, “How long can you tread water?”

David Kaplan (Indianapolis) April 1987


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